The Quarter-Betazoid and the Rye
by Lex-the-time-traveller
Summary: Alex Riker gets kicked out of Betazoid boarding school and has to adjust to the ups and downs of life back on the ship. Complete.
1. So

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Star Trek. This is all for fun.

To call Lwaxana's grip a death grip would be an understatement. I have had my share of walks of shame, but being dragged through the halls of this prestigious boarding school to my now former dorm room tops all. Especially given that she is walking briskly and I am struggling to keep up, which only makes my ear hurt more.

Goodbye, dirt. Goodbye, fancy busts. Goodbye marble floors. Everyone is staring. This is humiliating.

"Open." She commands when we get to my dorm room. I clumsily take out my keys and open the door. Once inside she slams the door behind me. She grabs the front of my shirt.

"You. Imbecile." She hisses. "You incompetent little disgrace. I knew your mother should have married a nice Betazoid man but no, she had to choose the human." She lets go and takes a sharp inhale and exhale. "You are the heir to the chalice of Rixx someday and yet you get kicked out of the only Betazoid school you've ever attended. This was supposed to help you learn the culture! But no, you wasted it. I'm sure your parents will be overjoyed when they get the chance to pick you up!" That last part was sarcasm, obviously.

And so she angrily helps me pack and I have an awkward month-long interim between my expulsion and when my folks can pick me up. Worst month of my life.

In case you were wondering, the expulsion was in part drinking, in part getting high off of a lovely Betazoidian plant, skipping class, coming to class hung over or not yet hungover (if you know what I mean), and other things. Because I'm the bad influence.


	2. Back on Board

"Sorry I'm not Wes!" I snapped at my parents across the table. "Sorry I'm not some genius kid that hacks the goddamn intercom to take control of the ship!"

My mom put her hand on my shoulder.

"We're not saying that we want you to be Wesley." She said in that therapist-y voice. "We just want you to work harder."

Well that hurt, the same way "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" hurts. I've never thought that highly of myself. That's why I decided that my role among the Enterprise kids would be the rebellious punk. All the smart kid roles were taken and I could never compete with them anyway.

I stared down at the mug of tea. I'll probably never be able to drink this kind of tea again after having this association with it. English Breakfast, if you were wondering. Awkward silence ensured.

"Wesley has his flaws." My dad broke the silence. "And you have yours. But I would take your flaws over his any day of the week."

My flaws, of course, being an affinity for Romulan Ale and not caring for academics.

Silence.

"We want to help you." He added. His tone sounded more authoritative than optimistic. I took a long sip of tea so I'd have something to do. My mom hugs me.

"I'm gonna… go." I said. I needed to get out of here.

"Don't forget you have school tomorrow. Classroom 7, 0800 hours. Don't be late." He had to add.

How could I forget?


	3. Trial by Pancakes

I walk out of my bedroom to a formal, sit down breakfast set at the table. This never happened pre-boarding school, what with my parents starting duty at different times depending on their schedule that day. I'd usually just grab a piece of toast and eat it on the way. There has to be an agenda to this.

"Amzadi, sit down, have some tea!" My mother beckons. You're probably familiar with the word Imzadi, which is something you call your significant other. Amzadi is similar and is a term of endearment for your kids.

"You're tense." My mother looked at me as she put the tea pot down. "I'm sensing distrust."

"I'm just... surprised to see a sit-down breakfast on a random weekday." I probably just sounded really mean.

"Your mother and I thought that we should have more meals as a family." My dad chimed in. So they're trying to fix me through table-therapy. Of course. "It's great to have you home, we missed you."

Are these the same people who scolded me yesterday about the whole expulsion thing?

"Your father and I thought that we were a bit harsh on you yesterday, Amzadi. We apologize."

This is probably the counselor in her talking.

"...Thanks." I sheepishly nodded. I might as well enjoy the food, even if it does have an agenda.

"Beverly and I were talking and we thought that it would be great if Wesley could help you get back on track in school!"

"Mom... please... no."

"He could help you get on track in school and you could teach him Parises Squares or he could work out with you and your friends or something. He could be a good influence on you and you on him!"

You don't just tell your kid that another kid could be a good influence on them. Or do you?

"Mom he's... a bratty whiny dork!"

"He is ALSO a superb student and a member of your community."

Maybe I corrupt Wes? That could be fun. Drunk Wes sounds hilarious.

"I'm really not getting out of this one am I?"

My dad shook his head.

"Can you pass the tea?" I needed to change the subject.

It was good seeing my old friends, Matt, Chris, K'trock and Lizzy. It was a bit of a walk of shame walking into that room for the first time since boarding school, but to the right people it makes me seem like a badass.

"Good morning class!"

"Good morning Ms. Kyle." We all stood up and sat back down.

"Take out your books. Alex look on with K'trock."

Everyone took out their books. _The Catcher and the Rye_ by JD Salinger.

"So to recap, Holden has just gotten kicked out of boarding school..."

Ouch.

"And he is adjusting to his new life. How do you think Holden feels right now?"

Don't look at me don't look at me don't look at me.

"Alex, what do you think is going through his head right now?"

"That everyone's expecting him to have something deep to say." I reply sarcastically.

"Yes! Definitely!"

This is going to be a long day.

"Alex, wait up!" It's Wesley. "I'm going to be your tutor to help you catch up!"

"You know I _was_ at a prestigious boarding school the past six months?"

"I didn't mean it like that!"

I got hit with this strange feeling. Like that feeling I get when I try my best only to get snapped at. Like the roles in this conversation were just reversed, for a few seconds.

"Sorry I... I gotta help my mom with something. But let's meet here in an hour ok?"

"Sure thing!"

I got to my mom's office as fast as she could and knocked on the door.

"Come in sweetie!" She said.

"Mom!" I said while walking through the door and getting in the patient-chair as quickly as possible. "Something weird just happened."

"What is it?"

"I felt... I sensed... I..." I broke down crying.

"You sensed someone else's emotions?"

I nodded.

"Alex, honey, that is a gift!"

"It's scary!"

"No it's not, come here."

She held me in a tight embrace for a long time.

"I will work with you and teach you how to control it." She murmured. "I love you."


	4. Tutoring

"Ok, so you have F of X equals…"

"Wes, can we take a break?"

"We've barely done anything!"

"But I need a break!"

Ughhh child geniuses. Why tutoring why? My day's been long enough.

"As I was saying F of X equals 5y-10 and…"

"Are my parents paying you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Are my parents paying you for this?"

"Your mom and my mom came up with it and my mom asked me!" Wes needs to curb that enthusiastic tone. This is humiliating.

"And you just do everything your mother says?"

"Why wouldn't I, she's my mother! You don't?" Wes sounded genuinely shocked.

Let the corruption begin.

"So anyway, F of X…" I sarcastically state.

I actually, eventually reached the right answer. We managed to get 5 problems done before I had to leave for dinner.

"Alex, my friends and I are playing D&D later. You wanna come?"

Umm… do I? That's a good question.

"Sure." I say flatly. Why not?

—

"So, how was your first day back champ?" My dad asked as I sat down at the table.

"Alright, ya know." I shrugged.

"Good not to have to put on a uniform huh?" He joked.

"Yeah."

"I remember being 16…" He said part nostalgically and part sarcastically.

"So what do you do if a longtime friend starts being kinda flirty with you and you sorta like her back but you don't wanna ruin the friendship?"

That took them aback. Sarah, if you're wondering.

"Well… what do you mean?" His tone was that of being slightly entertained.

"Like… you enjoy being friends with them and you're worried about losing that?"

"Well, go with what feels right!"

Thanks, generic advice.

—

"Alright, so you're going to need to make a character." Wes sounded so proud of himself. "I'm the dungeon master, so my character's the captain and you can't outrank me!"

Something about the term dungeon master and it coming out of Wes' mouth sounded many levels of wrong. And the whole "you-can't-outrank-me?"

"OK… I'll be a… 3/4 human 1/4 Betazoid… paladin. With a big-ass sword."

"Ok, do a stat role."

He and his 2 friends already had all this stuff established.

Ya know, I would never admit it, but it was kind of fun.

My text tone went off as we were cleaning up. It had one word- "Kings." His other two friends had just left. My friends were getting drunk. My kind of ancient game.

"Hey Wes, you wanna hang out with my friends now?"

"Um… sure!"

That was easy.

—

"aLEX!" Chris shouted, emphasizing the "Lex" syllable, as I walked through the door.

"Is that… Romulan Ale?" Wes asked, referring to the pitcher beside the beer.

"Yep!" I nonchalantly replied.

"But that's illegal!" He said, not trying to be condescending but still.

"The illegal makes it taste better." I smiled. That's grammatically correct, right? Whatever, I'd been away at Betazoid school.

And so, long story short, we all played a bunch of drinking games and got nice and drunk. I love Thursday nights.


	5. Red, Red Wine

You never get used to going to school with a hangover. You just learn to recognize that it was worth it.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to have a freaking sit down breakfast with my parents. I'm hoping they just thought I was tired.

There was the generic breakfast conversation, along with a reminder that we were having dinner with Picard tonight. He has us for dinner about once a week. It sucks.

"Alex… do you wanna… hang out?" Sarah asked in a flirty way as we were walking out of our last class.

"Yeah!" I smiled, trying not to sound too exited. To be honest I always had a slight crush on her, but I never thought she'd like me back.

"There's a horseback riding program in the holodeck I've been dying to try!"

"After I just got back from boarding school on a planet morally opposed to horseback riding?" I jokingly reply.

It's true. Beta's hate horseback riding. Or should I refer to them as Zoids? Betazoid is too long a word.

"Is that why you got kicked out?" She smiled.

"Oh I got kicked out for… lots of reasons." I smirked.

And so we had a date that was cheesy yet fun that started with horses and ended with staring at the virtual clouds and saying what their shapes reminded us of.

"It sucks, you know." I wasn't expecting to turn this into venting, but it did. "I'm kinda like a prince to this planet that I'm only a quarter related to. And I have no siblings or cousins so one day I'll be forced to do all that diplomatic stuff my grandma does. But I don't think I could really represent the planet. I'm less than half and I got kicked out of school and have otherwise never lived there. I just wanna be human. Life would be so much simpler."

"But humans are boring compared to other species!" She replied optimistically.

"Boring is good. It's simple."

"You ever talked to your mom about this?" She said, sitting up.

"I don't wanna hurt her feelings." I said downtrodden.

We went back to staring at the virtual clouds for what felt like forever.

—

"What time is it?!" I sat up fast. I checked my communicator. Shoot. Five minutes till dinner. And I have to dress up for those. I let out a string of swears. "Sarah, I have to go, my parents are going to be pissed!"

She nodded understandingly.

I got dressed lightening fast and got there as fast as I could. I knocked on the door.

"Enter." Picard said.

I entered. They were all sitting around the table with synthehol wine and some beef looking thing.

"Alexander Riker. Nice of you to finally join us."

"Alexander, apologize at once to Captain Picard for your lateness!" My dad's voice was cutting.

"My… apologies…. sir." I sheepishly spat out as I went to sit down. There was an awkward pause. Picard chuckled.

"What is it, sir?" I asked.

"Oh, it's just… you're your father's son is all." He said through laughter. My parents looked at me and joined in. And that's when I realized Sarah had given me a bunch of hickies. And now I'm their punchline. "But please, have some wine. Synthehol, of course."

I hate this. Why did I get myself kicked out of that god-forsaken boarding school?

The thing I'm realizing about having empathic traits is that you just get hit with these emotion waves that can feel like a kick in the head. I've begun to feel this now. But I need to power through it. I put on a smile and nod like nothing's hurting. My mom glances at me. She knows.

"So how do you like being back on the ship?" Picard asked optimistically.

"It's good, good to be back in my old room and see my old friends and all."

"Old friends you say?" He raised his eyebrows. I'm going to have to fight humor with humor.

"It's not Wesley if that's what you're thinking."

Everyone, including me, burst into laughter. Maybe this dinner won't be so bad after all.


	6. That Obligatory Conversation

"Son, sit down." My dad said as we walked through the door of our quarters. The entire walk back had been mostly quiet. Haven't I been yelled at enough.

"I already apologized!" I snapped back.

"No, it's not that." He turned to the replicator. "Beer. Cold." He took it as it appeared.

"Hot chocolate, marshmallows." I asked.

So now we had our respective cups to stare into.

"Son, I feel like this talk is long overdue. You being, 16 and all." He began awkwardly.

"What did I do?"

"Nothing!"

"Are you and mom getting divorced?"

"No, of course not!" He replied, freaked out. "It's about… you know. You're getting to an age where you're having these feelings."

Oh. OH.

"Dad, please. Stop."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of!" At this point my mom sat down beside him. "And it's a part of my… our job as parents to talk about this."

"I know what… that… is. Already."

"Son, when a man loves a woman, or a man loves a man, or a man loves someone from a genderless species…" He smirked. My mom affectionately smacked him on the head, lightly. "You'll get these, urges."

"Will, you're making him feel awkward!" My mom intervened. "Alex, honey, what your father is trying to say is that you need to control your feelings and not let them get in the way of other things you should be doing."

"I got a zero on an essay back at The Academy because I was too busy… making out… to finish it on time." Eww.

"There is a contraceptive shot that you can get from Dr. Crusher. It's quick and easy." My mom brought the conversation back.

"I can't look Dr. Crusher in the eye and ask for that! She'll judge me!" I defend.

"She won't judge you!" My dad countered. "Frankly, she'll think you're being responsible."

"Ok." I nodded.

"But that's an appointment that you'll have to make yourself."

I nodded.

"Well, that was easy." My dad smirked. I went back to my room and played video games the rest of the night.


	7. Feeling Feelings

My appointment to get the shot is in ten minutes. I've been procrastinating like hell from getting it cause it's going to be super awkward. Of course my parents have been bugging me for the past week on getting it and they keep denying that it would be awkward and that it's worth it to avoid teen pregnancy and STI's.

It's just that Dr. Crusher would never have to give that shot to her kid because her kid is too damn perfect. He's the kid that puts all of us to shame. He doesn't drink or sleep around or get anything less than perfect grades. And he's her only kid so that's her frame of reference for how a kid should be.

I can only imagine the conversation that ended with Wes being recruited to tutor me. Our moms were probably doing yoga and talking about all the ways he's better than me. They would never admit it but it's the obvious step taken before the whole tutor recruitment thing.

And now she gets the satisfaction of giving me the birth control hypospray with the smug knowledge that her kid doesn't need it.

Ok, I should start walking. Ok. Up. Grab bag cause I have tutoring after. Right foot. Left foot. Don't think about where I'm walking to. Right, left. I'm not afraid of shots I swear.

I get to sickbay. She's waiting for me. This feels like getting sent to the principal's office.

"Alex, right on time. Have a seat."

I am refusing eye contact.

"There's nothing wrong with feeling anxious about getting an injection." She says, touching my shoulder. I look away. I know I'm being childish and I don't care. "You should've seen your father when he was younger."

I nod.

"Can you give me your arm sweetie?" She asks. I reluctantly hold out my right arm and she gives me the shot. "There, easy as pie!"

"Thank… you." I awkwardly said, nodding.

"I am proud of you for bringing yourself to make this responsible choice." She said, again putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks." I replied quietly.

I make my way, ironically, to the Crusher quarters, for another tutoring session. Not that I'm mentally in the right place for that. But he was happy to see me. I get a strange sense that he… admires me. I don't know why cause I'm a worthless 3/4 human 1/4 Betazoid person.

"Hey Alex!" He lit up.

"Hey!" I shrugged as I sat down.

"You OK?"

"Yeah, just, ya know. Stressed and stuff."

"How did the math test go?"

"84."

"Dude nice!" He gave me a high five. This is strange and new.

There's something about being around Wes. I don't know. For all the insecurities he fills me with, on the bright side there's less social pressure around him. When I'm with other people I'm expected to be that Alpha-Popular guy and it's like a performance, in a way. But around Wes I don't have to perform and I don't have to worry about being awkward or because who could be more awkward than Wes?

"Wes, I'm so sorry. Can we reschedule?"

"But this homework is due Tomorrow!"

"I'm just… not in a mental place to do this."

"Oh… Ok. I hope you feel better!"

"Thanks."

I leave and go back to my room and stare at the ceiling. This whole beta-powers thing feels like a second puberty. I must have stared for hours until I heard a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" I force out, in order to acknowledge the knock. My mom walks in and closes the door behind her. She sits on the edge of my bed and starts stroking my hair.

"You can't just sulk in your room Amzadi." She cooed.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Be social! Have fun! Do your homework!"

"No…" I groan.

"Why not?" She asks as she scooches herself more onto my bed so she's sitting up against the headboard. She pulls me up under the arms to signal me to sit up slightly and she wraps her arm around me so I'm leaning into her side. It would be weird if she were full human but by betazoid standards it's more acceptable. She kisses the top of my head.

"I'm a weakling." I eventually force myself to say.

"Why?"

"Because I'm all moody and sensitive all of a sudden!"

"That doesn't make you weak." She cooed. "I swear, human men and emotions. It's half Vulcan half Klingon the way they treat them."

"It's just so hard getting these… attacks of other people's feelings."

"I know sweetie, I know."

"And nobody else on this ship is going through it or knows what it's like!"

"I do!"

"I mean people my age."

"I know baby."

I broke down crying, again. God, what is it with me crying to my mommy lately? I'm going to need to lift weights in the high gravity gym for a few hours to make up for this. My mom held me tightly against her for what felt like an hour.

"I have to go back on duty soon." She said, softly and gently.

"No… Mommy… stay." Crap, did the word "Mommy" really just come out of my mouth? And did I really use that childish of a tone with her?

"If you need someone, you can talk to Guinan."

I nodded. She kissed the top of my head and left the room.


	8. Bad Decisions

The homework wasn't collected. Which is good, because I never got around to it.

I go to Holodeck 8 after class ended at 2. It's the last day before a break, and we were going to celebrate by getting drunk. For some reason, I felt like I needed Wes with me…I don't know…I don't have a crush on him… I don't…I'm not gay. It's just, a comfort thing. And he probably wants to feel like a normal teenager and frankly I want to see what he's like when he's drunk. Anyway.

We meet up at the Holodeck and set it to a beach bonfire. We pass around a bottle of vodka we stole from 10 Forward. Don't look at me, I didn't do it.

It's interesting, drunk Wes. The serious edge is taken off of him and he can actually be sorta funny and sassy.

So we're all reminiscing about things and getting progressively drunker when Chris thinks that K'trock was flirting with his girlfriend. There was pushing and swearing and insults and punching and it… all… hit… me. Both of their emotions. At the same time. I felt like I was going to explode. And I had no where to go. And I'm grabbing my head hoping for it to stop.

"Guys, just shut up! Stop!" I burst through the pain.

"Awww… what's the matter… is the Beta on his period?" Chris says mockingly.

"Shut up Chris!" I push him. He pushes me back. I push him. It's a good thing this fire isn't real.

He punches me in the eye. Now I can't open it. I punch him in the teeth. He grabs me by the shirt and lifts me up. It's like I'm back in middle school in Farpoint. I knee him in the stomach and knock the wind out of him. Seizing my chance I bolt to the door and run out of the deck. I needed to get out of there. Wes started running after me. He's like the only person I can trust right now.

I don't know where I'm running. I'm too drunk for directions. I just needed to go somewhere. Somewhere without people. I was too drunk to plan too far in advance.

I felt big hands grab the back of my shirt. I was pinned to the wall, a hand gripping my hair keeping my face right up against it. I was being restrained. Shit.

The hands spin me to face forward. My heart sinks. It's Worf with two security ensigns. Worf's condescending glare is almost physically painful.

"Take him to the brig."

"Aye, sir." The ensigns say. No, no, no. Why could't they just take me home? I don't work here! I'm just a kid! The brig? The freaking brig?

They bring me to my cell, lay me down in the bed, and give me some sedative that gave me a sudden onset of exhaustion. As I drifted off I could feel them taking off the restraints.

"Stand guard." I hear Worf say. "We'll deal with him in the morning."

And I was out like a light.


	9. The Morning After

My head feels like someone is taking a jackhammer to it. My mouth feels the driest it's ever been. This does not feel like my bed.

I open my eyes and remember what happened. I only vaguely remember last night.

I go to stand up, to ask the guard when I can leave. But the second my feet touch the ground I start violently puking. Next thing I know some poor ensign is wiping my face off while their friend cleans the floor.

"Water." I croak. There are no replicators in these cells, so the one that was cleaning me off leaves and comes back and gives me a glass.

"Prisoner is awake. Prisoner is not violent." She says on her com badge. Prisoner is a little harsh. I think.

"When can I go home?" I ask her.

"That's not up to me." She replies.

Worf walks through the door. I don't want to look at him.

"Thank you, ensigns, you may leave." Good for them, scary for me.

"Aye sir." They say.

Now we're alone.

"Alexander Troi Riker." He glares at me. I go to stand up but he puts out his hand to signal to stay sitting. "Do you know why you are here?" He starts to pace.

"Drinking, sir?"

"Underage drinking and disruption."

"Disruption?"

"Your drunken running around the ship." He stops pacing and makes the most uncomfortable eye contact ever.

"I can expl…"

"Explain that you were breaking the law? Explain that you have made a habit of routinely breaking the law?" He starts pacing again.

"I…"

"Don't talk back to me." He says coldly. "You have no excuse. How do you think your parents feel that after all they do for you, you remain this… miscreant? How narcissistic can you be that every day you are oblivious to how exhausting you are to them?"

I have nothing to say.

"They know that you are here. Your mother was in tears."

There was a pause.

"You are the first officer's child. The Captain has no child. You are the child of the highest ranking officer and yet you remain an embarrassment."

I can't say anything.

"Am I getting through to you?" He sneers.

I nod. He stops pacing and glares.

"I mean… yes… sir."

"Good."

"When can I go home?"

"When I have decided."

"My parents won't let you."

"They understand that I am following protocol. Besides, you wouldn't want to see them right now anyway."

"Why not?"

"They have not cooled off yet."

Ok maybe he's looking out for me in a way not letting me out.

"I will return." He says before turning and leaving.

I lie back on my cot and fall back asleep. Why is everything that guy says so intimidating.


	10. Things

"Good morning." Worf's voice cuts. I cringe.

"Up." He commands. I reluctantly sit up.

"Your mother would like to see you."

I reply with a blank stare.

"Your mother will see you now."

"Where is she?"

"In her office. Come."

I take a breath and force myself to stand. He goes to grab my arm, I instinctually try to dodge it which makes him grab it harder.

"I do not have time for your…" He pauses. "Foolishness." He says as he begins walking. I think my arm is going to be purple by the time we reach the office.

don'tmakeeyecontactwithmom don'tmakeeyecontactwithmom don'tmakeeyecontactwithmom

and I've made eye contact with mom. And dad's there. I've been set up. Worf can let go now.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." My dad nods at him. Just when I thought the Klingon would leave he SITS DOWN next to him. "It has come to our attention that you had some _fun_ two days ago. Care to explain?"

About a minute passed in silence. They were all staring at me.

"I have no friends." I finally muttered. "I can't trust anyone anymore. They make jokes. Joke's I'm on my period. And grab me. And I just want to have friends. I don't want things to go back to the way they were on Farpoint."

This would be a lot easier without Worf here.

"Are you afraid that if you don't act a certain way you will go back to being bullied?" My mom asks gently.

I Nod. "I'm afraid of being a dork like I was back then!"

"You were never a dork!" She replies.

"Yes I was! And I stayed… far away from Wes cause I thought he'd drag me back to that… place."

I want to cry. I can't cry. Don't cry.

"I wanted to protect myself." I say faintly.

"Do you feel threatened by anyone on the ship?" She asks.

"Everyone since… Beta-puberty. Everyone except Wes."

"Sounds like Wes is someone worth keeping around! Those popular kids… you don't need them! Quality, not quantity."

I nod.

"Hey." She gets up and gives me a bear hug. "I love you." She whispers. My dad joins in. Must have lasted 20 seconds. Almost forgot that Worf was awkwardly there since technically this is a part of my Brig Sentence.


	11. I Hate Q Part 1

I find it ironic that at the peak of my being the embarrassment child, my mother just announced that she is 3 months pregnant. Because 3 months is the traditional time to announce it to people, or something.

I always kinda wanted a sibling. Just seemed fun to have another kid in the house, or quarters, depending on the phase of my life. Sure, by this time I'd be more of a third parent than a buddy, but it is what it is. I should enjoy myself now before I get bogged down with having to help babysit and stuff.

So, anyway, I'm playing Dungeons and Dragons with Wes. We've combined the traditional game— medieval fantasy adventure— with the modern version— space adventure. And that works out as our characters bouncing around our fictional galaxy with some medieval-themed planets.

"You approach a cave. Do you go in the cave or move on?" Wes narrated.

"Go in!" I say. Maybe it's because it's fictional, but I am the opposite of cautious in this game.

I roll. We go in.

"There is a pack of wild Targs." He starts.

"Can I pet the Targs?" I love how you can do basically anything in this game.

"Sure." He replies, entertained. "Roll for… petting."

I roll.

"You go to pet the Targs and one bites your arm off."

"Oh darn." I reply sarcastically. Now I have one arm.

That's when this weirdo appeared.

"Good afternoon gentlemen!" He says with a goofy grin, walking over to us. He puts one hand between my shoulders and one between Wes'. "Who's winning?"

Before we could answer, all of our surroundings disappeared. It felt like going through a transporter.

We are in Medieval Europe, surrounded by pristine countryside. What the Hell.

"Who are you?" I ask, glaring at him.

"You don't know who I am? Some parents you have." He scoffed.

"Answer the question." I press.

"My my, so… abrasive are we. No paternity test needed." The man mocks. He snaps his finger and I'm suddenly in a copy of my dad's uniform.

I glare at him.

"Adorable!" He says.

"No." I reply. This is humiliating.

"Would you like this better?" He snaps his fingers again and suddenly i'm in a copy of that turquoise long-skirted uniform my mom sometimes wears.

"Not that your mother's genes won this round… but I still see it." He says mockingly.

"Wearing someone else's uniform is against the law." I reply.

"Since when does _Alexander Riker_ care about the law?" He swoons, with a weird emphasis on my name. Which he somehow knows?

"Stop picking on him!" Wes speaks up.

"Silence Crusher!" He commands. He snaps his finger and puts him in a copy of his mothers uniform. Lab coat included.

"Cuuute." He grins. This feels so infantilizing and condescending.

"Now, gentlemen, we are going to play a game." He pauses and snaps his finger, putting our clothes back to what they were. "It will be a game of skill, of luck, of grit, of a lot of things!"

"I have to be somewhere at 7." I snap. It's Friday. Dinner with Cap.

"I'm going to let them know." He replies with this tone that one would use with a furry animal or small child. "They'll understand."

"You still haven't told us who you are!" I retort.

"Well, if you must know, I am the all-powerful Q. I am popular amongst this ship. I come to play and teach lessons along the way!"

"And you're teaching what exactly…?" I really want him to hurry this up.

"You two need to play my game. You both have things you need to improve on."

"What's in it for us?" Wes asks.

"You will both get to choose a reward at the end if you win."

"And if we lose?" I add.

"No prize! Don't worry, you can't die here. Only flesh wounds! Let's begin! Your dice, boys."

Two 12-sided dice materialized in his hand.

"We're supposed to have more than one." Wes says, taking his.

"Oh that's such a fuss. One is ok." Q brushes him off. "You 16-year-olds are so pushy! Now, you two are the perfect team. We have the rational, calculating Crusherling and the charismatic, sassy Rikerling. You two are like Spock and Kirk." He pauses briefly. "If you have been paying attention in history class." He adds with some patronizing sass.

"We know who they are." I say, shakily.

"Wonderful!" He replies, jauntily. He snaps and I'm suddenly in a copy of Kirk's uniform while Wes is in a copy of Spock's.

Q pus his hand on my shoulder. "You always wanted to be full human." He whispers. "Now Wes gets to be the mixed one."

Not that Wes was actually turned into a Vulcan. He was just in the Vulcan's clothes.

"Now let the games begin! In my version, you do not need the dice to walk, only for actions!" Q is getting on my nerves. And he disappears.

We begin walking. It would have been pretty if I wasn't also secretly terrified. We walked for what felt like an hour before reaching the woods. Q reappears.

"So, gentlemen. Do you wish to go in the woods?" He stands in front of us.

"Yes." Wes nods.

"Yes." I back him up.

"Roll!"

We roll. I get a 10, Wes gets a 12.

"Looks like you safely enter the woods!" Q grins and disappears. We walk for what must have been 30 or 40 minutes. There is a mother wolf with her pups. They're adorable.

Q reappears. "Now now now… what do we have hear? Dogs?" He raises his eyebrows. "Looks like you can't keep walking without disturbing them. And you don't wanna rouse mama!"

I try to speak. Q puts his vertical pointer finger over my mouth in a shushing gesture. "Now now now Alexander don't get your arm bitten off!"

That's it. I grab his arm and get it in a lock. Before I could get him on the ground he magically makes me shackled to a tree.

"Alexander, how could you? That hurt my feelings!" He said with fake puppy dog eyes.

"Wes, looks like you're battling this alone." Q turns to him.

Wes rolled and safely got by the wolves.

Q walked up to me and uses his hand to lift my chin up to force eye contact.

"Can we behave now Amzadi?" He sarcastically asks. "Or do we need to skip another turn?"

The fact he said Amzadi makes me want to punch him. Only one person is allowed to call my that.

"Sure." I mumble.

"Wonderful!" He snaps and I'm free. "Onward!" He disappears again.

We make it to the edge of the forrest, and that's when we see a huge castle. At least now we know where to walk.

And after walking for what felt like 45 minutes, we could tell that this castle was guarded by two huge dragons and a lava moat. A little over the top. But that seems to be this Q guy's style.

We keep walking. Before we get super close, Q appears again.

"Hello again!" He says with annoying enthusiasm. "You're so close to the big stuff, this is exiting!"

"Are we going to be done soon?" I ask. It's gotta be close to dinner, if it hasn't already started. Besides, I'm hungry.

"Why the rush?" He replies with a grin that makes it sound like he knows exactly why I'm in a rush.

"I have a formal dinner to be at."

"Oh I know." He grins. "It started 10 minutes ago. I told them. You should have seen the looks on their faces. Baby Riker on his _first_ Q adventure! Anyway, you're going to want to go into the castle. There are two dragons, one for each of you! Unless you want to relegate the role of dragon slayer to one person while the other focuses on saving the princess! She's not real, but any injuries you sustain are!"

Of course.

"How about we zip ahead?" Q grins. He snaps and we are just at the edge of the moat. The dragons are on the other side.

"Good luck gentlemen!" He says with a joking sparkle before vanishing.

We're gonna need it.


	12. Q Part 2

We stand at the edge of the lava moat. How do I get myself into these situations? Of course Wes is trying to deduce some way across the moat with math or something while I'm looking for my own way across.

The ground shakes. A sound like no other rips through the air. A stream of fire comes down and burns the ropes holding the drawbridge up, while also lighting the bridge on fire. That dragon is big, and scary. And for some reason I have a feeling Wes is going to make me do all the Dragon work.

"Hey, Wes, the drawbridge!" I shout. He comes running over. It's dissolving in flames fast. I run across as fast as I could. About halfway through I could feel heat eating away at my right arm and see my sleeve has caught fire. I step off the drawbridge into a hole and feel a crunch in my left ankle as I'm sucked toward the ground. When I fall, the flame side of my arm hits the ground with the rest of my body on top of it. I hear another crunch followed by horrible pain. My wrist is probably broken. But the flame is out, which is nice.

"Q YOU ASSHOLE!" I shout while on the ground writing in pain. "YOU. ASSHOLE."

Wes appears. He puts his hand on my shoulder.

"I'll take care of things." He says.

"No, you can't alone. It's ok. I'll take care of the Drag…" I begin to reply.

"No!" He cuts me off. "Not in your condition. I'll slay the dragon and you get the princess!"

"But I'm…"

"Your what?" Wes presses. "The better fighter? Cause you lift weights and play Parises Squares?"

Well when he puts it that way.

"Trust me." Wes looks me in the eyes. "I'm more than the resident geek."

And with that he runs off.

I force myself up and hobble into the castle. This whole thing is rather cliché, but that gives it at least some predictability. I see the tower, where Q would have uncreatively placed his princess. He didn't even tell us her name. It's weird. I know he's going off of a cliché here and she's not real but still. Seems a little mean.

I end up crawling up the stone stairs on all fours. My knees are bruised by halfway up. I get to the top and the room is empty. I pound the ground with my fists in frustration but I see a scroll on the bed. I crawl up to it.

"Alex,

By now you've realized there never was a princess, and all this effort was for nothing. Let that be a metaphor for how your parents feel raising you.

Those injuries were planned. You were never meant to fight the dragon. Sure, you put on this tough guy image and think of yourself as the braun to Wesley's brain, but you let yourself forget that you also have a brain. Don't do that.

Don't underestimate Wesley. He is just as capable of dragon slaying. He is stronger than you give him credit for.

Lastly, this was meant to be a bonding experience for you two. You make a great team despite your reservations in the past. You two are destined to do great things—together. But you need to allow it to happen.

Yours,

Q

Just then Q appears, and I'm zapped back to the countryside from the beginning of the game with a suspiciously-mildly injured Wes. I sit down immediately because of my ankle.

"Well, did we enjoy our team building exercise?" He asks in that annoying voice.

I nod, too exhausted for anything else.

"Yes, Sir." Wesley says. Why is he calling him sir?

"Wonderful! Now, as stated earlier, you get to pick a reward. Wesley, your choices are a guarantee that you will get accepted into The Academy, fluency in the language of your choice, or the change to renounce your bisexuality and be heterosexual."

"Umm." He pauses, taken aback by the last one. "Automatic Academy admission."

"Admission it is!" Q snaps his fingers. "As for Alexander here, you can also choose the guarantee that you will get into The Academy, you can also renounce your bisexuality, or you can renounce your Betazoid blood and be fully human."

"Would I still be related to my mother if I chose the last one?" I ask.

"Well… technically." Q says hesitantly. It's tempting but I would not be able to look her in the eyes if I chose that one.

And the renouncing bisexuality. Fine…. OK, I've been suppressing it, but I _do_ have quite the crush on Wes. It's a bonafide crush, despite internalized stuff that made me afraid to admit it to myself. And I could let that all go and not have to worry about Wes liking me back, or something.

And then the automatic Academy admission. It's not that I never wanted to pursue Starfleet as a career, I just never thought I was smart enough to get in. But now I can guarantee that I will. And Wes chose that one. And Q said we make a good time, and I think we make a good team.

"Automatic Academy Admission." I say, confidently.

"Consider it done!" Q smiles and snaps his fingers. "Now, I promised to your folks that I would return you, and return you I shall."

And then I'm in Picard's dining room, with Q fireman-carrying me. My whole body hurts and the exhaustion is setting in— leaving me to barely being able to keep my eyes open. I'm in in my ratty mimic of Kirk's uniform, all dirty and burnt and torn. My wrist and ankle are swollen like no other, and the right sleeve is completely burnt away to reveal scalded skin.

He lowers me to the floor with a thump.

"I have returned him, as you requested I did." He says.

"In this condition?" I hear my dad's voice. "What the hell?"

"It was educational!" Q replies.

"You can't take him and put him through some silly game and return him half-dead!" He snaps back.

"Ok, fiiiine." Q snakily replies. All the pain and fatigue is gone away, and I sit up to see everyone staring at me. I look at my arm, no burn marks. The clothes are still ruined, though. Kind of unfortunate, really.

"Happy now?" Q asks. Everyone just stares.

"Leave, Q." Picard commands.

"But, _mon capitan,_ you have such a great meal…"

"Out." He repeats.

" _Bon soir_ , then." Q says before disappearing.

"Well, come on then, sit down." Picard beckons.

I hesitate for a few seconds, trying to process what i've just seen. I get up and sit at my usual seat.

"Was that…" I pause. Looking for the right word. "Planned?"

"No." My mom says, assuredly. "That was all him."

I exhale. I take a sip of water.

"But you have survived your first Q meeting!" Picard chimes in. "And that is its own kind of training."

"It is." I say, slightly quietly. I take a sip of water.

"Well, dig in!" He replies. "You've earned it." He winks.

And eat I do.


	13. Epilogue

They are the cutest little balls of cute I have ever seen. First there's Anastasia, who we're going to call Ana, with her curly ball of dark hair and giant black eyes that are full of wonder. Then there's Max, with a slightly less curly, but still curly, mop atop his chubby cheeks and big black eyes. I turned down the first offer to hold them, worried I'd somehow break them. But eventually I got the courage to. And it was beautiful. Two perfect baby siblings.


End file.
